“just fucking do it.”

There’s no doubt in my mind that everyone who attended Jason’s first movie premiere had a great time.  Before going to the screening in Hoboken, we all met at Fat Black Pussycat for happy hour drinks and we eventually all commuted together into Jersey on the PATH train.  If I’m 100% honest, I knew that what Jason had accomplished with his first movie was pretty cool, but really, I was just there to support him.  Jason could’ve sold ice in the winter and I’d buy it simply because he was my boy, and that’s just the way it was.  

It’s only now in hindsight that I can have a real understanding and appreciation for what he did.  We were kids…  This was 3 years after college graduation and he had a whole movie out!  That means he wrote a screenplay, took it to production, which probably meant building a budget, sourcing cameras and camera operators, deciding on wardrobe, set locations and lighting, getting other actors and props, and then post production editing and finding places to screen the finished product, which I wouldn’t know the first thing about.  It’s a lot. It’s involved, yet so tentative.  A lot of room for error, and exit signs everywhere.

He was a talent, and he was chasing a dream as if there were no headwind.  We’re all human, and I don’t want to assume that he dealt with the same kind of imposter syndrome I’ve had over the years, but knowing Jason’s humility, there must’ve been at least ONE moment where he asked himself “can I actually do this?” but decided to go for it anyway.  He ran full force towards the manifestation of his visions and just kept going. 

Later came more films, other premieres, and more support from all of us who believed in him, including me. Yes, we all loved the guy, but I don’t want to obscure the fact that this is a brief attempt to compartmentalize our love and blind support of anything he did to truly recognize what he did in his lifetime.  It is objectively incredible! It was…  Some of us are *just* beginning to solidify things for ourselves, or maybe still too timid to go for your wildest dreams (and that’s ok– we all have different journeys), but the point of this all is to bring focus to what an absolute badass he was. How determined he was. How courageous he was. It’s inspiring.  

A loss like this usually makes people confront their own mortality.  It makes things a little more urgent. You examine all the things you want to say and do and you realize it’s now or never.  I admire people who don’t wait for these harsh reminders to live wholeheartedly.  I want to be one of those people.  Jason was one of those people.  

So the question I’m posing to myself and whoever would dare accept the challenge is: What are you waiting for?  The thing you want to do, the words you want to say, the experiences you want to have– what is holding you back from just doing it?  Is a fear of failure? Of rejection? Or is it vulnerability? Of going broke, or looking stupid?  

If you’re reading this, consider that you’re deemed *lucky* if you get to live to double your current age, at least.  Then also consider that our lives as we know it have passed like a blink of an eye.  In another blink, we’ll be 80, if we’re lucky.

So now, all of that considered… what is worse, the fear of trying something, or the fear of regret?   

I’m not going to sit here and philosophize on my thoughts about how anyone should live their lives, but I can say with certainty that Jason showed love every opportunity he got, and he did what he wanted to do.  He reached for his dreams and lived with his entire heart.  He set an example of what it’s like to truly live a life, and iI think the ultimate tribute, the ultimate celebration of his memory would be to let that inspire you.

There’s stuff I want to do, dreams I’d like to see made reality in my lifetime, and I occasionally hear a voice that says “just fucking do it”… It’s a certain voice. That warm and smart-alecky voice we all know, and I’ve promised that I will do it. I am doing it.  

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